I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m more depressed than I ever have been in my life. I miss CFD. I miss everything about it, and everyone. I end up crying every time I talk to Audrey. I called her today, but didn’t cry until after, while I was in IOP. I met with my new dietician and was pissed at her for not being Audrey. Goddamit I miss her so much. I miss everything so much that I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. I hate being home. I’m more miserable than I ever thought possible. I was sobbing the whole way home in the car. Pathetic. And the worst part is… nothing can fix this. I love these people so much and I can’t be with them. No amount of sleepovers or family time or shopping sprees or mornings sleeping in will help. All I want is to go on a walk with my loves and have Ellie straighten my hair and ride in “The Beast” and have session with Julie and wear my hairnet and have a roommate and have hour-long sessions with Audrey and be in process group and all the other groups and get excited for Audrey to walk through the door and then pester her about us having session. But I’ll never get those things back, and it kills me. I never thought it was possible to miss something this much. What do I do?
On the plus side, I talked to Bentley and she isn’t mad at me not wanting to be friends with me or anything, she’s just been really overwhelmed and everything with us is 100% good.
No comments:
Post a Comment